In middle school I was involved in an online, long distance relationship with this boy Soren who lived in Denmark. I would like to note it was a completely platonic relationship, I don’t swing that way, I digress… To make a long story short, the kid was a star tennis player over there, and was coming to the US and was going to stay at my house while he was here playing in his tournament.
The relationship was completely text based via Emails and Instant Messages. For three weeks we would email back and forth occasionally and chat whenever we were both on AOL. We actually came to know one another very well after only three weeks, or at least I felt like I knew him very well and he knew me just as well.
I actually remember thinking about it, how it was strange I felt so comfortable with and would discuss private matters with this person who I had not known for very long, and had never even seen or met in person. This phenomenon I realized can be explained by Mckenna’s “identifiably” relationship facilitation factor, which states that both anonymity and identifiably will lead to increased self disclosure and in the end increased relationship development. In my case the anonymity of this kid led to increased self-disclosure on my part. I remember talking about personal issues I was having at school with this kid; these conversations were certainly a catalyst to our relationship development.
Another facilitation factor discussed by Mckenna was involved too. Mckenna explains how the removal of gating features in CMC eases and increases relationship development. Gates are things like physical attractiveness, master status cues, shyness, and social anxiety, things that impede relationship development. For example in FtF communication, the gates would be open to an attractive person, and closed to an ugly person. In CMC this gate is removed and relationship development is allowed to progress.
As I said this definitely played a role in my relationship with Soren. In middle school I was a socially anxious kid, and didn’t make new friends easily. Had we met in person as opposed to online my social anxiety might have gotten the better of me and sabotaged the relationship. But instead, I felt no anxiety talking to him via email, and IM’s and our relationship blossomed quickly.
When he arrived in the US it was almost as if we were old buddies. I still talk to him frequently, he’s playing tennis professionally now and we are good friends.
2 comments:
HAHAH kinda funny that you had establish that you didn't "swing that way." I guess its hard being a guy... cant use the word relationship + another man without giving an explanation first. But overall I found your story to be very insightful. I was worried that by the end you were going to say that once you met your friend in person you felt deceptive since your entire relationship was based online, but I guess the fact that you guys had the intention of meeting each other in the future provided a straightforward depiction of each other. Thats awesome it worked out.
Nice story! It goes to show how helpful CMC can be. In that period in your life you had difficulty meeting people FtF and CMC allowed you to express yourself better and in the end get a good friend. It is nice to know that you guys are still friends even today. But, now that you have grown up, do you think you can still form those types of bonds online? Or was it only something that could have happened during that period? You did a good job describing your experience, and thanks for the clarification I was starting to get a little confused. :-D
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